However old we might be, none of us is ever quite emotionally mature – but having a list to hand of what maturity consists of might be a way of keeping score and nudging ourselves in the right direction. Here is a comprehensive list of what maturity might comprise.
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“1. You realise that most of the bad behaviour of other people really comes down to fear and anxiety – rather than, as it is generally easier to presume, nastiness or idiocy. You loosen your hold on self-righteousness and stop thinking of the world as populated by either monsters or fools. It makes things less black and white at first, but in time, a great deal more interesting.
2. You learn that what is in your head can’t automatically be understood by other people. You realise that, unfortunately, you will have to articulate your intentions and feelings with the use of words – and can’t fairly blame others for not getting what you mean until you’ve spoken calmly and clearly.”

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Produced in collaboration with:
Sophie Olga De Jong

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions


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  1. How many of our 20 signs do you see in your own life? Let us know in the comments below and to join your fellow School of Life audience members, be sure to download our new free app:

  2. This is a bit too pessimistic… falling in love easily is a good thing, it means you have a lot of love to give.

  3. awesome. i loved the minimalistic design and the calm atmosphere that you guys proposed in the video. liked and subscribed. 🙂

  4. If you don’t need to watch this video you’re probably emotionally mature, I just wanted to leave this comment ✌🏼

  5. You also learn that some people have no virtues and are as shallow as a pond abusive and manipulative look at all the narcissists out there the sociopaths and the poeple that are unable to to have a virtue that matters

  6. I have a problem with number 1 already. Although a lot of people may be a be difficult due to “fear and anxiety” it’s also naive to believe that everyone is an innately good person who is just scarred or has some trauma. There are some bad people, that’s just the world we live in.

    That being said, I do think the grand majority of people are nice and “good”

  7. Oh, life is much more complicated than these signs.
    Take them as general guidelines but they're overly simplistic.
    If you don't care what others thinks of you, that's fine, but then maybe those others have leverage on you, and not caring will hurt you in the other aspect.
    Apologizing when you're wrong is different apologizing all the time, just because you apologize more doesn't mean you're more mature, you might be apologizing for all the wrong reasons. Be careful

  8. Actually most people are misguided and don't know what they're talking about. If that WASN'T the case the world wouldn't be such a shit hole…

  9. 1 – You loosen your hold on self righteousness (you realize that most of the bad behaviour of other people actually comes down to fear and anxiety)

    2 – You learn that you have to articulate your intentions and feelings with the use of words

    3 – You learn that you do sometimes get things wrong and should apologize once in a while

    4 – You learn how to be self confident (everyone else is just as stupid, scared and lost as you are)

    5 – You forgive your parents (you realize that they were struggling with demons of their own)

    6 – You learn the enormous influence of "small things" (rest, alcohol, hungry etc) to your and other people's mood

    7 – You give up sulking (remember that we will all be dead soon)

    8 – You cease to believe in perfection (instead you pivot towards an appreciation of "good enough")

    9 – You learn the virtous of being a little more pessimistic (as result your emerge as a calmer, patient and more forgiving soul)

    10 – You learn that everyone weakness of character actually counterbalance some of their strenghts (rather than isolating their weakness)

    11 – You fall in love less easily (you develop loyalty to what you already have)

    12 – You realize you may be quite difficult to live with

    13 – You learn to forgive yourself from your errors (you become more like a friend to yourself)

    14 – You accept that we all have regressive moments (make peace with the stuborn-like bits of you that will allways remain)

    15 – You develop a taste for small pleasures (start to celebrate and take satisfaction from the little things that go well)

    16 – You care less of other people opinions (you give up on fame and start to rely on love)

    17 – You get better at hearing feedback (start to see that you can listen to criticisms and still survive it)

    18 – You realize how close we are to our problems and that you should try to put things under perspective

    19 – Your become suspicious of your own first impulses around particular topics (recognise how your distinticve past colors your reactions and learn how to compensate for the distortions that result)

    20 – You become a better friend by sharing vulnerabilities


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